When you ask lesbian women why they prefer to sleep with women and not men, you can get a variety of reasons, but one of the them immediately stands out – women know how a woman should be touched. Apparently, most men don’t.
Early on in my career I decided to explore the subject and learn what it is that women know and we don’t. I wanted to know everything about touch. Not just any touch mind you – sensual touch. I’ve seen many guides and instructional videos on sensual massage over the years, and they all seemed somewhat inadequate. They were very “massage”, and not very “sensual”.
It wasn’t until I happened to attend a Tantra seminar, with a Russian teacher (A Russian? Teaching Tantra? Who would’ve thought??), that I understood what sensual massage should really be about.
The style of touch I’ve adopted since then is something I call not-massage, because it looks like a massage, but it’s really not. It is a sensual connection and a pleasure system, and the fact that some movements may resemble massaging is really just coincidental.
Most women have never been touched this way, and the response their bodies generate can be breath-taking. Many women told me that they never knew their bodies can react this way; they didn’t think they had it in them.
In the following few paragraphs I will try to explain my philosophy of touch and provide some practical tips for performing it. Don’t worry if it seems a little esoteric or abstract at first. My goal is to show you the right mindset first, and only then turn it into a practical tool for pleasure.
The Rules Of Not-Massage
There are four major differences that set not-massage apart from any massage you’ve encountered before:
Not-Massage Rule #1 – There Are No Bodyparts
Massage tends to dictate how to properly work each bodypart, and what bodyparts of your own to use for each stroke.
In not-massage, there is no division between good bodyparts vs. bad bodyparts. No bodyparts that bore you vs. bodyparts that you really want to touch. No bodyparts that are appropriate vs. bodyparts that you should avoid.
There is just one complete, magnificent body in front of you, and you touch all of it without discrimination. The knee is just as appealing as the neck, and the nipple is just as appropriate as the shoulder.
It is all amazing, and it is all erogenous.
Not-Massage Rule #2 – There Are No Roles
Massage tend to define the roles of giver and receiver – one person aims to provide pleasure to another, and the other does nothing.
In not-massage, there is no division between the person giving pleasure and the person receiving it. You are both doing it to enjoy your bodies to the fullest, and therefore you should both enjoy it together, simultaneously, without having to take turns.
This also means that the “no bodyparts” rule applies to both – one body is used to touch another body and provide pleasure to both. Hair touching skin, skin touching hair, warm breath sliding over moist skin.. it is all fair game.
The partners can forget their “roles” and simply enjoy every pleasure the moment brings to them. They form one system of pleasure, one energy center, and one mind for the duration of the session.
Not-Massage Rule #3 – There Is No Skin
Silent water runs deep. If you aim to touch the skin, you will reach the skin; if you aim to massage the muscle encased by the skin, you will reach the muscle.
But if you want to reach the soul, your touch needs to be much, much subtler than that. You need to barely feel the surface, get near but not quite all the way, and slowly, softly move a little closer.. the softer your touch, the deeper it will penetrate – until your partner feels like the skin and the muscles aren’t even there, and your touch penetrates through all the layers and goes directly to their core.
A truly deep touch can create sensation in nerves that have nothing to do with skin or muscles; they are nowhere near the surface, but you can still reach them with enough softness and intention. Just imagine that your hand (or anything else really) can dissovle and go through objects, and reach. You’ll feel it.
P.S. This may be obvious, but it bears mentioning anyway – one layer you cannot penetrate is cloth, so it is always better to massage the person and not his clothes. Ideally, you should both be fully naked; anything else can still be pleasurable, but not quite as profound.
Not-Massage Rule #4 – There Is No Time
Massage tends to have a start time and end time, various stages, and a relatively even amount of time devoted to each bodypart.
In not-massage we already know there are no bodyparts, but I would also like to suggest that time doesn’t matter. You start when you feel like touching, and you finish when you feel like moving on to something else. Between these two points, you do everything as slowly as you possibly can, since there is no set amount of actions you need to complete. As a rule of thumb, whatever your intuition tells you to do, do it four times slower and four times softer.
There is no goal to aspire to, and no objective to achieve. Both partners just do what they feel like doing at any given moment, and observe their sensations. Imagine looking at the point of contact between the two bodies from within, staring up from underneath the skin; feel the touch of one body penetrating deep into another body, feel the warmth at the point of contact.
That’s all there is to it.
How To Do It
There’s really no “correct” way to touch another person, but my experience taught me that touch that is soft, slow, and full of intention appeals to the vast majority of women.
Sometimes I tell them what I’m doing and why I’m doing it that way, and sometimes I don’t – I just close my own eyes and touch. It really depends on the woman’s level of comfort.
I start with my hands until I feel she is comfortable enough, then move on to use my forearms, hair, breath, chest and other parts. I always touch her body in several spots at once (e.g. two hands, one hand and one forearm, one hand and hair, etc), and I move in very slow, very soft, continuous motions – trying to turn the entire movement into ONE long stroke, and not a sequence of separate strokes.
Even though the rule says there are no bodyparts, realistically if the woman isn’t used to the way you touch, it is better to ease into it slowly and not do anything that will make her doubtful or self-conscious from the start.
Go slow and move on to more daring areas gradually, with slight hints at first. For example, before placing your entire hand on her entire breast, first slide one finger over the side or underneath, on your way from her shoulder to her hip; then a few seconds later slide two fingers over the surface, etc; every time it will be just slightly more daring than the last, so her subconscious mind won’t feel that what happened was unusually inappropriate.
Once you have “gained access” to her entire body, it becomes especially crucial to forget your own preferences and to avoid spending all your time near her sexual organs. Every time you generate some “heat” in these standard erogenous zones, slowly slide it to other areas of her body.
This trick will achieve several things:
1. Everyone likes her sexual organs, but you show appreciation for her entire body. That makes her feel special, and it makes you special for cultivating this feeling.
2. The heat you generate doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t stay in one place. Alternating between more and less erogenous zones will move the sensation throughout her body and make her entire body erogenous. Soon you’ll be hearing pleasure sounds even when you touch her hipbone or her elbow – parts she has definitely never considered erogenous before.
3. It helps dissolve her attention and let her really feel your touch. If you only touch the standard spots, her mind can wander and start thinking about irrelevant things like “do I look good?” or “am I making the sounds he expects me to make?”. When you move the sensations throughout a larger variety of areas, and especially through areas where she has never experienced them before, it overwhelms her senses and brings her attention away from thoughts and back into her body and her sensations.
If you follow these guidelines and experiment with every chance you get, this style of touching will soon become very natural and, most likely, the positive feedback you receive will be overwhelming.
No one else touches like that. It is now our professional secret